I realise I haven’t written in a while… I guess it has been
a combination of total writer’s block (who knew that just wasn’t an excuse?!) and trying to redecorate a bedroom and sort out 25 years of accumulated rubbish and
actually getting myself a social life… Well done me!
Anyway… To the point…
I am a serial internet dater, I thought I’d dated quite a
lot of guys before I met my last boyfriend, but since breaking up with him last
June I’ve managed to nearly double the number in less than a year.
When I say this, I am certainly not referring to notches on
my bed post, simply guys (from the internet) I have met up with and been on a
date, or sometimes more, with.
But wow, this internet dating is not easy. It’s tiring,
draining and is sometimes just shrouded in a cloud of mind games.
“Really?!” I hear you ask with a doubtful look on your face!
If you are one of my friends, my work colleagues or an
internet dater yourself, you will believe me and here’s one reason why. Here's one reason (more to follow in some other blogs!)
The Game Playing
I’ve never been good at this. I mean in all honestly, I
think anyone over the age of 22 shouldn’t really be doing the whole Mind Fuck
thing anyway, but even when I was 15 and meant to be playing it cool… Oh and be
awesome at it. I still wasn’t. If I liked a guy, I told him… My friends thought
I was utterly insane, but… but… YOU CAN’T TELL HIM…
Why not?!
Seriously
Why not?!
If I tell him and he likes me, GREAT! We can then get on
with things like normal people…
If I tell him and he doesn’t like me, I’m not going to spend
the next 3 weeks/months/years of my life trying to analyse every text message,
seemingly flirty touches or that time he got pissed one night and I’m sure he
tried to kiss me…..
This might be for some, but not me… I will save myself the
mental anguish thank you!
You think the game playing wouldn’t be there with internet
dating. You are both on the site to meet someone (most of the time), to be in a
relationship (a lot of the time) and be happy. That’s simple enough right?
WRONG
The game playing comes when you least expect it... Here is a short story and prime example:
I was dating a guy at the beginning of the year. I really liked him, like
*REALLY* liked him, not one of my;
“no, but seriously
Lyds/Liane/Becky/Gemma/Sarah/Lis/
Abbi/Lauren/Fee/Zoe/Tam…
He’s LITERALLY
AMAZING”
I spent a week in London with my best friend Tamsin and
during this time, me and him texted, a lot, constantly some would say.. I even
asked if he was bored of me and he said “No, keep texting”… I rang him AND HE
RANG ME (which in all honesty, boys are never all that good at)
We were in touch all the time, but I’m not one to assume
it’s all going to be perfect when we meet. Don’t get me wrong, I get ahead of
myself sometimes, but as I’ve experienced this more and more, I know to at
least refrain from SQUEALING LIKE AN EXCITABLE PIG until the first date is
over. (And successful)
Tamsin and I decided to de-tour to Liverpool on our way back
from London to meet this prospective man (and also hers) and see if he was as
awesome as he sounded. I was PETRIFIED… It wasn’t the usual date, I was out with
my friends, he was out with his (Turns out it’s a pretty good way to meet as
the pressure isn’t there).
He arrived. First thing he did was slap my friend Steven’s
arse – Good lad. Straight away, it was like we’d been together for months and
it was an awesome night, we laughed, we chatted, we got to know each other and
then carried on partying with our friends and left it there.
The rest of the weekend was amazing and a bit of a blur. The
next night we (Tamsin and I again…) out for his birthday in Leeds. His sister
was there, his cousins were there and all of his best friends. I expected I was going to be largely ignored
and I didn’t particularly mind. Half arsed introductions to maybe some of his
“acquaintances” rather than friends.
WRONG
He spent the whole evening making such an effort, introduced
me (properly) to everyone, including sister and family members, spent loads of
time with me and generally had an amazing night… The party moved back to his
house where everyone found a square foot of floor to sleep on (at about 5am)
and went to bed.
I had to leave very early the next morning and was under
strict instructions to return back to his house IMMEDIATELY after I had taken
Tammy home.
I did, was there until about 11pm before finally venturing
home on a Sunday night.
That week in London and weekend were the best I have had in
a long long time. Spending quality time with my best friend, her sisters and
some lovely new people and thinking everything was just too good to be true
with this amazing boy and HIS family and friends.
THIS… is when the game playing started.. What.The.Hell?!
Some might say “Yeah, but Emma, you’d given him what he
wanted” (I’m sure you know what I mean) But I hadn’t.
All of a sudden, I was waiting hours for a response to a
text and they were much shorter and to the point… I’m not stupid though, I may
take wishful thinking too far sometimes, but I know when a guy’s not interested!
But he was… (Apparently)
I carried on texting as we were before, you know… Actually
replying
= Mental and Needy
I did see him once the following week, but also asked if he
wanted to meet up 3 days after that (after spending an entire weekend with him the week before, I figured this wasn't too much)
= Mental and Needy
I said nice and positive things to him
= Mental and Needy
Ok… so the long and short of it was probably...
But then again, I’m not so sure. I am sure his best (female) friend had
something to do with it and I am sure that the tiny tiny man inside of a lot of
men’s heads was telling him it was time to freak out because stuff seemed too
good.
Who knows? Who will EVER know?
I should probably watch that film, but I refuse… As it will
be an upsetting look at reality rather than PS I Love You.
