For the Lads... The Don'ts and Dont's of Internet Dating

I’ve been on 3 different dating sites in my life:

Match.com (High end)

Datingdirect.com (Was middle of the road until match.com bought it and amalgamated the two, but kept both brands)

Plentyoffish.com (VERY low end, recently attempted to rebrand themselves as POF.com via TV advertising… Sadly, they’ve not rebranded the website, so that plan stopped there)

To be honest, I say POF is low end, but you get freaks, weirdos and men looking for sex on all of them, even if they do have to pay between £12.99 and £24.99 a month for the privilege. I sometimes wonder whether they’ve thought it through at all…

This leads me nicely onto my first point…

If you’re looking for sex, don’t go on a dating website!

There are some guys on the dating sites who will either quite blatantly message you, with the most CRINGEWORTHY messages of all time….

 No JJ... No I do not...

Alternatively, some sneaky guys will lure you in with some romancing chat, maybe even take you on a date… or two… Only to turn around and say you’re not the right girl for them and they have issues…

Join Adult Friend Finder if that’s what your after.

(Unless of course, the woman you are messaging is also looking for an “Intimate Encounter”)

AVOID the use of the following words and/or phrases:

• Outgoing
• Down to Earth
• Easy Going

There is, quite literally, a handful of profiles I have come across that HAVEN’T said one, two or all of these things. They mean nothing, NOTHING... They are not impressive words.

Don’t go Out of Your League… (No Offence)

Please, Just DON’T use pet names in a first message, or second… Or even the first 10 for that matter.

Oh... and the use of bbz should be STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.

Don’t lie about your height … 

Unless you say your shorter than you really are and then that will be a pleasant surprise.

For the love of God… DON’T… put sex as one of your hobbies!!!!

SexiBoi2k and TooHotty4Totty are NOT going to get a reply

Rules on Profile Pictures

This is the bit I wish I could give example photos of, but being aware of the legal implications of stealing people’s photos, sadly I can’t!

To be honest, there’s a number of DONT'S around this…

DON’T use photos that were blatantly taken in an ex’s girlfriend bedroom

DON’T take pictures of yourself in your bedroom if your bedroom has train sets, toys, a single bed or any other horribly geeky things

DON’T use pictures of lesser known celebrities (in the UK) hoping people will believe they’re you… This is one I see a lot, this is a character called Silas, from a show called Weeds… (You, and I to be honest, WISH)

      DON’T put a picture of you with a small child as your main picture if you don’t have kids!! This is PARTICULARLY relevant if it’s the only picture on your profile. Girls will assume it’s yours and won’t even bother reading the bit which asks if you have kids

      Don’t put photos of you surfing/climbing/swimming very far away from the camera, especially if they are your only pics!

First messages (like first impressions) COUNT

This is one thing that winds me up the most. On paid for sites, you find people make more of an effort on this, but POF is just ridiculous…

DON’T send one word messages…

 “Hey”, “Hello” or “Hi” is just not good enough… you are not going to get a response, unless you are

1.  Super hot

OR

2.  The girl your messaging has no more than 42 brain cells

DON’T send a message that you have just copied and pasted from a word document

Make sure your message is actually relevant to a girls profile…

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?!!?

As much as it’s nice to make note to parts of a girl’s profile to show you’ve read it, but DON’T reference EVERY sentence she’s written…

If a girl doesn’t reply… DON’T keep messaging her!

Learn to spell and use grammar correctly… (Please)

DON'T reference the website name in your messages (Cringe)

For the lads... I hope this has given a bit of insight on how to have Internet Dating success and for the others, I hope this has provided you with some light evening entertainment and an insight into what utter CHARMERS you can find on the World Wide Web.